


Dear Diary

by ohhowellno



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Depression, M/M, just general sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-27 01:51:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6264895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohhowellno/pseuds/ohhowellno
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You know I really like this whole dear diary thing because it's basically me writing in a diary tbh. This fic will be short but so are my other ones. Just have to get somethings off my chest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Diary

Dear Diary, 28/11/2012  
I feel like I am going a little bit mad. Let me explain this to you. My boyfriend, Phil, dumped me. It was completely out of the blue and I just, I just don't know. He seriously told me he loved me the day before he dumped me. I know that it was probably my fault, whatever that was. But I just can't help feeling completely lost and empty. I sat in the car for 2 hours and just cried. I couldn't stop. It just kept going and going and going. I feel so lonely.  
Love, Dan

Dear Diary, 1/12/2012  
Its only been a few days but to me it feels like its been a life time. I finally told my family why I've been crying so much. They just don't seem to get it. I have to change literally all of my plans for my future. We were going to move to London together and just live happily ever after. But now? What the hell? I feel so lost and confused. What am I supposed to do now? I never really thought about this until like just now. Holy shit. And here I go, fucking crying again.  
Love, Dan

Dear Diary, 12/12/2012  
You know I really thought that it would be easier the more days that go by. I mean I realize that it has only been like two weeks, but in previous relationships that I've been in I was already moved on by like the end of the first week. Oh, I know why I'm such a train wreck, I still love him with every fiber of my being. And this shit sucks. A few days ago was the worst, because we were planning on going somewhere special. But no. Not any more. On that day I felt my heart getting ripped out even more than it already was. People say that I'm being crazy, but I honestly feel like there is a hole where my heart should be. I'm just going to stop saying love because it is so stupid.  
Dan

Dear Diary, 25/12/2012  
Yay! Christmas! It was miserable for me because I had to pretend that I was okay with all of my family around. I mean yeah my family is nice and all, but they would not get why I was still so upset. Even with it being almost a month. They would be like oh he was just a boy! Get over him! There are plenty of fish out in the sea! But I guess what they don't get is, I really thought that Phil and I were going to get married. I had it all planned out in my head. And I couldn't see it going any other way. Now I'm just like, well damn, I guess I'm not getting married at all. And yes I really do believe this. Fuck I do sound absolutely crazy. No wonder he dumped me.  
Dan

Dear Diary, 3/1/2013  
Yeah its a new year. Yay. I seriously am still so miserable, but I'm just bottling it all up inside of me. I feel like I'm going to explode. That hole in your heart thing? Yeah that still hasn't gone away yet. Why is it taking so long for me to get over this???? I haven't talked to him since a few days after the day we broke up and it is driving me crazy! Phil wasn't just my boyfriend he was my bestfriend! I told him everything! Like I saw this guy walking around the freezing town barefoot! I seriously picked up my phone to text him about it.... then I remembered. And what was left with my heart shattered into about a billion pieces.  
Dan

Dear Diary, 6/1/2013  
So my friends told me to go on a date with some random guy that I met to get my mind off of things. Uh yeah it was awful. 1. All he wanted was sex 2. He was very rude 3. He called me fat 4. He had nothing for this date planned so we drove around in a very awkward car ride for like 20 minutes. I am seriously so done at the moment. All I can do is think of Phil. Seriously, like "he would never do this to me," or "this would never happen if we were still together" then I'm just like no shit Dan of course it wouldn't happen if you were still together you wouldn't be dating someone else. So after this God awful date I just went back home and changed into my pajamas. I picked up my phone again to call Phil and tell him about this awful shit. Then I remembered, and cried myself to sleep.  
Dan

Dear Diary, 7/2/2013  
Well its been almost a month since I wrote last! No that does not mean that I'm better! Probably worse honestly. I just cant even explain anymore. People are so done with me and honestly I don't blame them. I like come on Daniel its been like 2 months and you still can't get over it. But here I'll try to explain it. I lost my boyfriend, my best friend, my personal comedian, my therapist, my lover. Just, everything. I just don't know what to do anymore. I still believe that I will be that person that lives down the street with 12 cats who never comes out of their house and all the neighborhood kids are afraid of them.  
Dan

Dear Diary, 12/2/2013  
I called him. It was a complete accident. I called him and it was the first time that I had heard his voice since the time that we broke up. I called him and I completely lost it. When I heard his voice I started sobbing like a baby. I couldn't help it. And you know what? When I was sobbing he didn't hang up like most people would. No Phil sat there on there on the phone with me and just calmed me down. Because he has always known how to calm me down. That just made me cry harder. Because I was the one who made him break up with me I am the one who ruined it all. It's my fault that the person that I still believe is right for me left. And I cry just thinking about it, which is why I am crying right now.  
Dan

Dear Diary, 28/2/2013  
Made it past Valentines Day! Thats good! If you don't think about it V-day isn't really that big of a deal. Yes I am still miserable. Though I talked to Phil for about a week I realized that he really does not give a shit about you Dan. He is over you, though you will never get over him. He is done. Finished. Sorry you kinda ruined it. I stopped bothering him even though I want to talk to him more than anything. It just felt right when I did.  
Dan

Dear Diary, 13/3/2013  
You know it keeps getting closer and closer to 4 months and I keep hoping and praying that it will get easier. It doesn't. Even though I keep trying to make it easier it isn't getting any better. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I stopped trying to tell people how I feel because they are so sick of me. I don't really blame them. I'm pretty sick of it too. It really isnt getting any better. So I think this will be the last time I write in this diary. At least for a while. I'm done. I don't feel that hole in my heart anymore though. Now it just feels like there is always a cloud over my head. Kinda like Eeyore. Well thats it for now.  
Dan

**Author's Note:**

> I realize the dates aren't "right" with the whole dan and phil timeline. But its my story I can do what I want. :P


End file.
